Here, we discuss tips for what you can do when you find yourself in an unsafe domestic environment.
What do I do if…
... my life is in danger?
Call 9-1-1 and ask for the police, fire, or ambulance depending on the situation. The operator will guide you through a series of questions to get a picture of the situation you’re in, and dispatch the appropriate response services. Things you may need to provide them with include your address, the phone you are calling from, and details of the emergency.
You can learn more at the website 911.gov
... I’ve been sexually assaulted?
Our heart goes out to you, and we stand with you. Whatever happened, it was not your fault. We believe you. You may not remember what exactly happened, and that is normal. What happens next, every step of the way, is in your control and you can make choices about what you want to do next.
Options for immediate medical help:
If you’re hurt with life-threatening injuries, call 9-1-1 and ask for an ambulance. Even if you don’t have any apparent injuries, it is a good idea to go to the hospital and ask for a rape kit to be performed- this is a sexual assault examination performed to collect evidence after a rape. If you think you may be pregnant, you can also ask the medical professional for options. They can also test you for any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
Options for mental health support:
You may feel vulnerable, angry, confused, depressed, or another way after a sexual assault. There are mental health professionals who can help you with your healing process, but more immediately, you may find comfort in your ‘Safe Buddies’. These can be friends or family members you trust. You can also consider calling a crisis line for rape victims and survivors- we’ve linked several options in our article titled ‘Crisis Support’, or you can start by calling the Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter’s 24-hour line at (604) 872-8212.
Option for police action:
You have the choice to decide whether you want a police report filed and press charges against your assaulter(s). Even if you don’t want to press charges, or you’re unsure of whether you do, you can still speak with a police officer who can explain the process to you, as well as connect you to legal support.
Option for legal support:
You may find it helpful to speak with a legal counsellor to decide whether you want to press charges, and understand your legal options. Prabhpreet K. Sangha is an attorney at Lehal Law in Surrey, BC, practicing immigration law and representing a lot of vulnerable immigrants. The firm accepts Legal Aid clients that can't afford a lawyer, including victims or survivors of employer abuse or family violence. Individuals that need legal guidance can reach Ms. Sangha at pksangha@lehallaw.com You can also find legal resources and support at the Battered Women's Support Services Justice Centre.
Copywriting services for survivors:
itsharpo collaborations offers copywriting services for survivors hoping to craft various forms of writing material. Their service can support survivors with their victim impact statements or writing out their appeals. To learn more and get in touch, visit their website at www.itsharpo.com
Every step of the way, the choice is in your hands to decide what you are comfortable with, and whatever your choice, we stand with you. You are strong, and when you choose to, we hope these resources help you find the support to start your healing process.
... I’m in an abusive relationship?
Or I’m not sure if I am in one. And it’s okay to not know. If your life, or the life of a loved one is in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
If you’re not in immediate danger, you can start by learning about types of abusive relationships at this article on the National Domestic Hotline’s website.
There are many forms of abuse. Specifically, domestic abuse, or intimate partner violence, is a form of abuse used by the abuser to maintain power in a relationship through verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, reproductive, financial, or physical abuse and coercion. You can learn more about this in the article we shared above.
Find a ‘Safe Buddy’ to help you, and check-in on you regularly- be it, friends or family. This person can help alert authorities if you don’t respond to a check-in text, call, or email within a reasonable amount of time. You can also come up with a code word if you’re concerned your abuser is reading your messages.
If you’re looking for support services online, and are concerned your abuser will see them, try and use ‘incognito’ web browser features, which ensure that your searches and web activity cannot be tracked on your device.
You can also reach out to locally available resources for domestic violence victims and survivors, some of which we have listed in our ‘Crisis Support’ article, or start by calling the Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter’s 24-hour line at (604) 872-8212 or visiting their website at rapereliefshelter.bc.ca
... I’m worried about the safety of a loved one?
If their life is in danger, call 9-1-1.
Otherwise, you can share community resources, like the ones we provide in our ‘Crisis Support’ article. Be kind, understanding, and above all else, non-judgemental. Victims are often unaware they’re in an abusive relationship, or they depend on their abuser for things like a home, an allowance, or they are being gaslighted. Gaslighting is when the abuser denies ever being abusive when confronted about their actions and behaviour, and is a form of mental and emotional abuse. For the person you are trying to help, even though they may not immediately leave their relationship, you showing belief in their experience validates it, and may give them the strength and assurance needed to leave.
As an ally, you can also offer to go with them to the police, the hospital, to court, or be with them when they call a crisis line or shelter. When victims are isolated from their support networks, it, unfortunately, gives their abuser more power over them.
Believe them. Stand with them, no matter what they decide. Be an ally.
Sources for further reading:
Healthline - I was raped: What should I do next?
National Domestic Hotline - Understand Relationship Abuse
Have a question you’d like answered?
Send us an email to info@boltsafety.org
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